Tourist: “Are lions really that fast?”
Guide: “Let’s just say... you don’t have to outrun the lion. Just your slowest friend.”
Tourist: “Is this trail safe?”
Guide: “Absolutely. Most hikers lose 3kg — mainly from panic and running.”
Tourist: “Are these ruins ancient?”
Guide: “Yes. Older than your hotel’s WiFi signal.”
Tourist: “Do crocodiles attack kayaks?”
Guide: “Not if you politely ask them not to. But just in case, paddle faster.”
Tourist: “Will monkeys steal from us?”
Guide: “Only your food, sunglasses, and occasionally your dignity.”
Tourist: “How old is this site?”
Guide: “Older than your smartphone’s last software update.”
Tourist: “If I carry a flashlight, will snakes stay away?”
Guide: “Only if you don’t use it to blind them.”
Tourist: “Why does this tour cost so much?”
Guide: “Because therapy for what you’ll see is extra.”
Tourist: “Why can’t I hear my echo?”
Guide: “Even the hills are tired of tourist questions.”
Tourist: “What should I do if I get lost?”
Guide: “Take a selfie. At least your phone will know where you were last seen.”
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