1. What do engineers use for birth control?
Their personality.
2. How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, that’s a hardware issue!
3. Why do mechanical engineers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 = Dec 25.
4. What’s an engineer’s favorite pickup line?
“You must be made of copper and tellurium, because you’re Cu-Te.”
5. Why don’t civil engineers ever fight?
Because they always find common ground.
6. What's the difference between an engineer and a magician?
A magician makes things disappear... an engineer makes excuses disappear.
7. Why do engineers never play hide and seek?
Because good luck hiding when you've already optimized the blueprint.
8. Electrical engineers' motto:
Resistance is futile if current flows!
9. What do engineers and cats have in common?
They both like to solve problems... silently... from a distance.
10. Why are engineers so calm?
Because they've already done the math on how this ends.
11. What’s the engineer’s way to fix a relationship?
Debug it.
12. Why did the structural engineer break up with the architect?
Too much drama, not enough support.
13. Engineer: “Trust me, I’ve done the calculations.”
Everyone else: *runs*
14. Why do engineers carry a pencil and paper?
Because you never know when a random equation might need solving.
15. Civil Engineer to Mechanical Engineer:
“You build bridges. I make sure people don’t fall off them.”
16. Why did the software engineer go broke?
Because he used up all his cache.
17. Mechanical engineers do it with a lot of friction.
18. An engineer’s favorite exercise?
Running simulations.
19. Why did the engineer bring a ladder to class?
He heard the grades were on another level.
20. Engineers don’t argue, they “recalculate the truth.”
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